Going Away is Leading Me Back

Friends, it has been a really long time.  I mentioned a few blog posts back that life came and slapped me in the head three years ago when Neil was diagnosed, out of the blue, with colon cancer.

Since March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month, I thought this would be a great time to jump back in to this whole blogging thing.

I have noticed that a lot of “mommy bloggers” have been throwing in the towel recently.

They are just simply burned out from the whole thing.  I hope to take over where some of them have left off.  I am entering a new phase of life now as both of my girls are moving on to new phases of life, too.  As a result, I need a place to talk about the transitions that I am going through and all of the good and bad that come along with those changes.

To start, let me just be honest and say that I have had an overwhelming feeling lately that I am going to die very soon.  I have been wondering why that is, and today the answer came to me.  It is because I don’t know what is coming next for me.  In a few months, the life that I have known for the past 21-1/2 years will be forever changed.  One girl will have graduated from college and moved on to a career; the other girl will be preparing to enter college far away in the fall.

It is a bitter-sweet time.  I remember when I brought Adrienne home from the hospital.  I remember thinking that by having her, all I did was open myself up to tremendous heartache because one day she would leave me.  Well, I blinked, and that day has come.  That is why she and I have been sharing the pull-out couch while she has been home for spring break.  She is my baby, I am her momma, and I am going to stay as close to her as I possibly can for as long as I possible can.

When she leaves to go back to college in two days, Erica’s spring break will begin.  I know we will spend the days shopping, watching movies, and chit-chatting about her future.  Meanwhile, I think I am subconsciously thinking that I will die because it is the end of the longest chapter of my life and I don’t know what the next chapter will be.  I have some ideas, though.

I plan on focusing full-time on eWillow.com.  I have so many greeting card ideas to create and blog posts to write about DIY projects.  I also plan on continuing to substitute teach.  I love serving in that way.  I also plan on serving in the new Ft. Lauderdale Temple as much as I possibly can.  I guess I do have a plan.  I am just full of anxiety about all of it.  I don’t like change; however, I have realized that my girls’ going away is causing me to come back to blogging and sharing this new phase of life.

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